You’ve heard the notion being able to love yourself is the key to loving others. It is true. How lovely it is to hear nice things about ourselves. They might make you smile for a minute, but if you don’t believe the compliments you can’t benefit from them. Compliments serve a purpose. Even if the person is not genuine the intent is to make you feel good about yourself. Sometimes this is to get make you more pliable to their requests, or to blind your eyes to their maneuvers. On occasion, a compliment is really an insult. Nevertheless, we need to know when to accept a compliment.
To train ourselves to accept compliments try the following activity. Create an “Already Done” list. This is the opposite of a To-Do list. To-Do lists focus on what is missing, or what needs to be done. They do not celebrate our achievements. This never ending list gets a scratch or a checkmark when we have completed a task. Yes, that can feel nice for a moment. In a minute we move on to the next task. I love to-dos for when I’m motivated, but what about when I’m not?
An Already Done list celebrates our amazingness. It reminds us of the things we’ve concurred. Items can be major, like completing school, purchasing a condo, or learning to use Logic Pro X, or it can have smaller accomplishments, such as washed the dishes before noon. You can simply list tasks or add what makes them special.
- Washed dishes three days in a row before lunch time
- Graduated with 3.62 GPA
- Wrote a screenplay
- Perfected my fried chicken recipe
- Watched all the seasons of Bones
- Feed the dog
Great. You’ve done a lot. Now we can make this more encouraging. Go back to your list. Add whatever made this task difficult to accomplish.
- Washed dishes three days in a row before lunch time even though I hate washing dishes and I hate getting up before lunch time. And when I do get up I want lunch. And no one cooked.
- Graduated with 3.62 GPA even though I had two crazy roommates, struggled with my core classes, had to eat Top Raman most days, had to transfer, have a learning disability, have aches and pains, and was far away from home.
- Wrote a screenplay even though I had to change my plot three times, was uninspired, didn’t have enough research, hate typing, and had to learn formatting.
- Perfected my fried chicken recipe even though I wanted to eat Grandma’s.
- Watched all the seasons of Bones even though others wanted my attention, I had to make dinner, and it takes a lot of time to watch all those episodes.
- Feed the dog even though it’s not my dog and I didn’t know what kind of dog food to give him.
Okay, some of mine are silly. That’s acceptable. The point is you see the hardships you’ve overcome to accomplish what you have. It was not easy, people didn’t respect you, you were pressed for time, you had to leave your comfort zone. Now you have visual proof that you have what it takes to overcome hardship. That means you can do it again. Your doubt need not reside inside you. Evict it.
If you aren’t sure how evicting doubt can help you become kind stay tuned. But in the meantime, how do you get ride of doubt?
Let me know,